You Remember
by Adja
Summary: Discover why Logan and Veronica resent each other. There's an unspoken truth that burns them more than they can admit. Veronica's POV. Lilly, Logan, Veronica.
1. Flex for your ex

You clench your jaws as the bright yellow Xterra, driven by Logan, keeps pace with you. Duncan is in the passenger's seat. You ignore them, preparing yourself for another public humiliation. "Hey Ronnie. Hey, we've decided that we'd, uh, we'd rather surf than study today, you wanna come with ? Duncan will promise to take his shirt off. Does that sweeten the pot ?" Your roll your eyes and keep walking. "Does it make you horny? Hey DK, flex for your ex." You hear Duncan taking your defense. Or maybe it's just that he's fed up with Logan's suspicious humor.

Any way, you don't care. But, Logan is calling you again, he's holding out a flask to you. "Hey. Hey. Hey! What do you say to a little hooch, huh? What's the matter, aren't you your mother's daughter? Hmm? Now there was a woman who could drink. Hey, what's she up to nowadays, maybe she'll join us. Do you know where she is? Any clue?"

You swallow, that was mean. Really mean. You're not the only one to think that way cause Duncan's getting mad too. "Leave her alone, man !" Logan shrugs and goes on. "Ooh, chill pill, man ! All right. Aw, she used to be fun, man. Bye." And he races off.

And you stay there. _You used to be fun ? _And what about you Logan ? Didn't you use to be nice ?

And you remember why you and Logan hate each other.

_It was the first night you ever got drunk. And it was baaad. It was after the break up with Duncan, after you somehow recovered from it. It was your first hangover. It lasted all the day long._

_You were supposed to meet Lilly. She'd called you and told you to come over, mentioning that Duncan was out, so it was clear. But when you'd gotten here, you'd realized that not only your ex was gone, but the parents too. The door had been open though, so someone must have been there._

_You'd walked up the stairs to Lilly's room and open the door. And you'd frozen in the threshold, gasping at the scene. Logan... And Lilly... kinda busy._

_You shy Veronica of the time had hidden your face and squealed. You'd heard your best friend's laughter and some "fuck"s of her boyfriend. You'd just caught your best friends in the middle of some action. Yiicks... "Didn't you call me ?" you had asked tentatively while Lilly had laughed harder, telling you to open you eyes._

_She'd been lying on her bed, under the white sheets, light drawing her curves, Logan beside her, the sheets only covering his arousal, more or less. He had looked more uncomfortable than Lilly. Actually, you and him had exchanged a look wondering if his girlfriend hadn't set the whole thing up._

"_I'm gonna...go." you'd babbled, stepping backwards but Lilly had called you back. "Wait." She'd given her boyfriend a weird smile and looked back at you. "Why don't you... come join us ?"_

_And you don't remember that much of the thoughts that had crossed your mind at this instant. You remember Logan's eyes widening at Lilly's offering, then him looking at you with a face showing how convinced he was you wouldn't do such a thing._

_You remember Lilly bending her head and raising a brow at you. Sure, you'd kissed her once, you remembered that, because Duncan had asked you to be his girlfriend and you didn't know how to kiss. But you weren't... like..._

_But there was Logan too. And he was your friend, he could have been qualified as your best male friend at the time. And you had had to admit, though you'd been truly faithful to Duncan, even on thoughts, you had seen him a lot of time almost naked around the pool and Lilly had ranted about 'his gifts' - with you begging for no further details..._

_And there they had been, inviting you to come join them._

_Lilly had bended on the side and bitten Logan's shoulder, looking at you in the eye. Logan had chuckled, and you'd thought he was scoffing at you or something._

_So you had taken a tentative step forward, getting Lilly's smile to broaden and Logan's eye to widen for a split second._

"_Come here."_

_And you've reached for your cardigan, unbuttoning it, you eyes going from one to the other. Lilly had seemed confident, but Logan had looked stunned and happy like he'd fallen into heaven. You'd toed you shoes off._

_And you remember when you'd crawled onto the bed, the two of them welcoming you, kissing your neck from both sides. You remember how they'd pulled off you dress and been here all for you. For your very first time._

_You remember how Lilly knew the female body, how to please it. And the male body. How she'd taken your had to make you stroke Logan. You'd blushed but kept going, seeing how much he'd – surprisingly – liked it._

_You'd discovered Lilly's hidden charms and Logan's scent. You still remember his scent. His touch. You remember how his hands had made your brain shut down and your instincts take over. And the way he looked at you, that day, when he'd entered you, telling you he was giving you back what you'd just given him._

_And you remember wondering wherefrom the common belief that the first time hurts came._

_They'd taught you pleasure that afternoon._

_They'd made love to you, selling your friendship forever._

_But it had faded._


	2. Now is the time

There are different ways of calling a truce between people. Remindid someone that you used to be friends is one of them, and thanks to Lilly's memorial tapes, you can.

You spot Logan looking ready for suicide in front of the computer screen again and you step in the room. "How's it going ?" He doesn't smile at you, he doesn't hello you. You're not friends anymore, but he doesn't get mean either.

"It's very _Wonder Years_." he says, depressed. "Celeste will love it." And you surprise him, when you sit next to him. "So… I was going through some of my stuff and I found this."

You hand him the "Fun With Lilly" mini-cassette. "What is it ?" You slightly smile at the idea of what's on it. "It's not a violin recital."

And Logan looks at you. It's the first time in a huge while he doesn't look like he wishes you'd be covered of mud. You find your old friend in those eyes. The eye contact is short, but enough for memories to flow back. Good memories, not ambarassing or disturbing ones. Like the times when he would give you the goofiest grins and show those cute dimple that made Lilly crazy.

And he looks back at the screen. "I've got a lot of work to do." This was little, but you thank him inwardly. I remembered something. He admited it. "Yeah. No, me too."

And there you are, listening to Celeste Kane, surounded by people that miss Lilly whithout knowing her. And you peek at a few, here, and there, that did. You, Duncan, Logan. Weev.

You try not to think that Logan was right. Lilly would have hated this. But this is an occasion to sent her a message. A wave of love. And given the ache in your heart, it's big.

The ex love of your life pulls na cord to reveal a wall fountain, and Logan starts the video. Let's see...

As pictures if young Lilly appear, you can see Celeste beaming. Her smile fades and the crowds gasps when the soft classical guitar gives way to the hammering of an electric guitar. You can't help the smile on your face at the sound of _Now is the Time_, by Damone, one of Lilly's favorites. _"Hello America! You wanted Lilly. You got her. Now sit back and enjoy the ride."_  
You watch yourself dancing on the backseats and the crowd cheers with Lilly when she pours champagne. Then you hear aprecaitive giggles when Lilly moons some car outside. You can remember your friend as she was here, like you could touch her. "You love me don't you ?"

You see Logan sadly chuckle watching the movie. You grip your camera, knowing how much you used to mean to each other, all of you. And now you see him sad and teary, giving you a thankful look, and you curse the fate that you can't be beside him, holding him in your arms. Just like that. In Lilly's memory. Because you both knew her like no one did. And you both loved her.

And you remember why Logan hates you.

_It had been a few days after her death. He'd shown up to your door, even though you were already the pariah of Neptune, cause of your dad's investigation and all..._

_You'd been alone at home and let him in, asking him what you could do for him._

_And the second you'd turned to face him he'd been kissing you. With despair, with passion._

_Through you, he'd been kissing Lilly. And he'd been kissing you. To share with you the pain, and push it away for a moment._

_And you'd been kissing him. Because you could still remember her kissing him. And you'd tried to feel her taste on his lips._

_But when he'd wanted more, wanted you. Really you. You'd panicked._

_Lilly wasn't there anymore. She wasn't between you. She wasn't there to guide you._

_And you had denied that comfort to him. _

_And you had denied it to yourself. _

_Cause it sounded wrong at the moment. _

_Pleasure, while mourning the one you both loved so much._


	3. Never better

And that day, at the Camelot, although you know now that it wasn't the case, but it stills feels for you that he'd saved your life. That he'd rushed to help you.

Like he'd cared.

Like before.

But not really like that.

And you let yourself slip, do the thing you have been helping yourself doing since you'd started to hang out more together, since his mom.

You kiss him. You don't exactly know what was your aim, but you happen to kiss him at the corner of the mouth. And it leaves him reaction less for enough time for you to panic. To process what you just did.

It doesn't make any sense.

But when you start to fly away he spins you around and pulls you into a passionate kiss. It seems like he'd just been waiting for this moment to happen. Or maybe he'd just realized that he wanted this too.

You feel his lips part and remember the feelings you've been repressing for a year. Sensations, scents. Your shirt hitches up when he pulls you closer. And it makes you remember the way he'd undressed you that day.

The taste of him is still the same and you're amazed that you still remember it that well. You hear him take a harsh breathe and know he feels the same.

When it both slams your minds, you part with astonishment. You just moved on. You both still love Lilly but you don't need her anymore.

She'd shown the way. Now you get to walk it down without her.

And you remember why Logan and you used to hate each other since she's gone.

Because somehow... you've always loved each other.


End file.
